Mischief Managed

“Remind me why I’m doing this again.” I flipped my ‘hair’ over my shoulder in aggravation, annoyed already with the wig Kaien was making me wear. “This seems awfully silly.”

“Shh! You’re gonna ruin it, Suke!” He covered my mouth with his hand and my muffled protests were short lived. “Yo! Ukitake-taichou! Lookie!”

He pushed me roughly from behind and I stumbled headlong into Jyuushiro, blushing non-stop like I imagined a girl would do in this situation. If Kaien wanted to distract his captain, that was all well and good. But really, why had he dragged me into this?

I made sure the other captain didn’t come in direct contact with my flat chest, nevertheless. I had to keep the kimono loose enough to look like there was something there. That or Jyuushiro would figure out what was really going on.

“Kaien? Who’s this?” I felt slightly insulted that he couldn’t recognize me, even if I wasn’t in my usual captain attire. I mean, honestly, I didn’t even make that good of a girl! Sure, Yoruichi had done a wonderful job with my make-up and whatnot, but still. I was a guy, first and foremost, and I really didn’t want to think about myself as a… as a woman. I shivered at the thought. Jyuushiro must have assumed I was cold, though, for he almost instinctively started rubbing his hands up and down my arms. I cursed the fact he had been holding onto my shoulders ever since he had stopped me from nearly falling. This was uncomfortable enough without him unwittingly implying I was weak.

“Um … this is …” Kaien was obviously struggling to come up with a girl’s name. I sighed and took pity on him. I was better at this whole acting thing, anyway.

Raising my voice in pitch and adding a breathy sort of quality to it, I ‘introduced’ myself. “I – I’m Amaya.” It was the first name that had popped into my head, at any rate – it had been my mother’s name a long, long time ago.

“Captain? What’s going on here?” I turned my head to the side - only to see Byakuya looking upon our little public scene with his usual emotionless quality. Oh boy. This just went from decidedly embarrassing to downright humiliating. As if a captain wasn’t enough, now I had a vice captain to worry about fooling.

I tried the cute approach; maybe that would work. Tilting my head just so, I gave Byakuya a barely there smile and fluttered my absolutely fake eyelashes. “I’m going to talk your taichou into a date. Kaien-kun said Ukitake Jyuushiro-sama needs to loosen up and have some fuuuun.” Oh, that got an interesting reaction from Jyuushiro – was that a blush? “Why, little boy? Did you need something from him?”

“Well, if he’s entertaining such a pretty guest …” I struggled not to glare. This act was hurting my masculine pride. “I suppose it can wait.”

Kaien clapped his hands together, drawing attention to himself like the idiot he was. “Well, if taichou’s busy, we should get going. Shouldn’t we, Byakuya-dono?” He put on his best innocent expression that didn’t fool me even a little, but it seemed to work on the other two for some reason my mind couldn’t fathom. Maybe Kaien wasn’t so bad at acting. “So much work to do and all that!”

A cough answered Kaien’s boisterous words. I looked worriedly at Jyuushiro; he was holding onto my arms a bit tighter than was necessary. “Are you okay, Jyuu … er, Jyuushiro-sama?”

“I’ll be fine, Kisuke …” he whispered back, meant for my ears only. My eyes went wide. He … he had known the whole time? Why hadn’t he said anything! “How about you help me back to my room, though, and explain to me what exactly you’re doing pretending to be a woman?” I blushed for real at how close his mouth had gotten to my ear to softly murmur that sentence. This was going to get back to Shunsui … and that pervert would have me dressing like this all the damn time. I was going to have to do some fast talking with Jyuushiro to make sure that didn’t happen.

“Taichou, how well do you know this woman?” Byakuya cut in, his voice harder and louder than I remembered it being a few minutes ago. At least I knew the vice didn’t recognize me or he wouldn’t have asked that. But wait … was that jealously in the noble Kuchiki’s voice? This couldn’t end well.

“Hmm … I only just met her today.” You weren’t supposed to say that, baka! How about ‘she’s my lover, Byakuya, back off!’? Can’t you tell he’s going to corner me and try to do naughty things to me?! “Kaien’s known her … longer, I suppose.”

Byakuya, hearing that Kaien would be his toughest opponent in conquering my poor, cross-dressing self, turned on the most recent addition to the thirteenth division and, as casual as possible, started asking questions. Disturbing as this was, I couldn’t help smiling at Jyuushiro. He had effortlessly distracted both Byakuya and Kaien without batting an eye. There were many reasons this man had my respect, this only being one of them.

“Your room, right?” I asked off-handedly as he coughed again. “Let’s get you into bed. You’re always pushing yourself to the limit, Jyuu.”

“I think Kaien’s noticed that, too, if he has you dressing up like a pretty girl to get me into bed.” He laughed and I couldn’t stop the small smile that tugged at my lips at the sound. Jyuushiro had a completely different way of taking my mind off things compared to Shunsui.

“Oh my. Are you saying I wouldn’t be able to get you, of all people, there without this get-up?” I replied back coyly, letting him throw an arm over my shoulders. He laughed again, the reaction I had been going for, and I helped him back to his room. Byakuya and Kaien were too caught up in talking for either of them to notice our departure.

*

Hours later, when I had finished having tea with Jyuushiro and explaining as best I could, I made to leave the thirteenth division and swing by Isshin’s for a quick chat. No day was complete without our usual bantering. Still in my girl get-up, I planned to surprise him and get a good laugh myself.

Needless to say, nothing goes the way you want it to. And that was exactly why, the minute I stepped out of division headquarters, I was backed into a corner courtesy of one Kuchiki Byakuya. “Byakuya-san, you’re blocking my path ...” I trailed off, hoping he would get the point and leave. As a ‘girl’, though, I should have figured he wasn’t about to take the hint. Perhaps he even assumed I was the ‘hard to get’ kind of woman.

Sad to say, Byakuya wasn’t really my type or I would have taken advantage of the situation like I was prone to do. The situation? Byakuya was too close for comfort. The invading personal space thing was a big turn off when the person was a prick. Someone really should have clued the Kuchiki in on that.

“Byakuya-san?” I placed a hand against his chest, pushing him back. My first instinct had been to put a warning hand on Benihime, but she was hidden from sight as not to give away my true identity. The only thing that even looked like the regular me was the shape of my face and body. Kaien had made sure, for whatever reason, to pick out black hair instead of blond. I guess he assumed Jyuushiro liked girls with dark hair or something like that. It hadn’t worked, in any case. And now I had to deal with a sexually depraved Kuchiki who looked about ready to start humping my leg. That image … I rather think my brain broke.

“Your name was Amaya, right? What a lovely name.” That was the corniest pick up line I had ever heard. “Are you done with taichou for the night? Would you care to accompany me back to ...”

“I’m sorry. I have somewhere I need to be.” I’m not some whore, Kuchiki! “Is there something you wanted?”

“Could I have a date with the prettiest girl in all of Seireitei?”

“No.”

“Please?”

“No.”

“Why?” He looked rather frustrated by now. I sighed and eased up on the unkind manner I was addressing him in.

“You want to know why?” He nodded. I let a devious smile slip, reaching a hand up to grab hold of my wig. I yanked it off in one go, raising an eyebrow at his surprised but not surprised expression. “’Cause, you idiot, you would be going on a date with the prettiest man in all of Seireitei. Jeez, get your facts straight!”