Insanity

“Oh man, Yoruichi’s gonna freak,” Isshin whispered, disrupting my concentration simply by being him.

“Yes, yes, Isshin – that’s been established already,” I half explained, exasperated, as I tried to cut through the fabric of Yoruichi’s hakama. “If she wouldn’t, I don’t even think I’d be here. You’re here to look at her panties, I presume, but could you actually – I don’t know, help me perhaps?” I made a face at the stubborn clothing and discarded the scissors, taking out Benihime instead with a wicked gleam in my eyes. Oh, I was going to destroy that hakama if it was the last thing I did. It was mocking me, dammit!

A hand on my sword, though, distracted me from my thought process. The hand creeped up the dull side of the blade and stopping over the handle, over my hand gripping the sword. I looked up at Isshin sheepishly, his cold hand giving me chills for a reason he didn’t need to know about. “Something a matter, Isshin-chan?”

He snorted, shaking his head and removing his hand. “No, I just thought I should stop you before you went psycho on a piece of clothing, is all.” He snorted again, clearly use to my crazy tendencies and not scared in the slightest at what I could do with a sword. “And no, I’m not here to play with Yoruichi’s panties.” He smirked. “Though if you find ‘em, let me know. I wanna see what kind she wears!”

“Black mesh thongs,” I answered breezily, bored. “Top drawer.” I went back to work, ripping up her shinigami outfit and getting somewhere finally with Benihime in hand. “Bottom left corner has a false door where she keeps all the good stuff.”

Isshin’s laughter filled the room as he followed my instructions word for word. “Man, Kisuke, you really know Yoruichi. If I didn’t know you were gay, I’d think you were sleeping with her!” He took out one of the thongs when he found them, curiously stretching it out with an index finger at each side. “How do women even wear these things?”

I shrugged. “Carefully, I suppose.”

He rounded on me with large eyes suddenly, startling me, and I paused in my destruction of Yoruichi’s clothing. The way he was looking at me, I felt self-conscious without realizing why.

“You mean gay men don’t wear ‘em, too, Kisuke-chan?” Why did Isshin have to ask the most embarrassing questions innocently? It just made it all the more embarrassing.

“I don’t, if that’s what you mean,” I snapped, face flushing at the mere insinuation I was into women’s lingerie. “Just because I find men sexier than women does not mean I have a cross-dressing fetish, baka!”

Isshin, for his part, kept playing with the underwear, a devious smirk tugging at his lips. I didn’t like the look on his face, not one bit. It spelled trouble – namely for me.

“Haha – Isshin? Why are you looking at me like that?” I backed away, using Benihime to keep him at arms length. A sharp, pointy object had never stopped Isshin before, so I don’t know why I had expected that to work. No, he tackled me to the floor easily, laughing all the while, and knocked my sword from my hand just as easily. He hadn’t even given me time to release her into her initial state. This wasn’t fair at all. “Don’t you dare, Isshin!” I looked, in horror, directly at the thong still in his hand, already seeing where this was going.

Needless to say, though I didn’t mind Isshin undressing me (that was kind of fun in an incredibly strange way), I didn’t particularly enjoy being in a thong. Isshin, however, couldn’t stop laughing to save his life, gasping out something about needing a camera.

When Yoruichi returned to the second division, heading to her private room at HQ with the idea of sleep in mind I could only guess, she got one hell of a surprise.