Drive

“Gah, slow down, Kurosaki! Slow down before you kill us all!” I begged, trying not to look as Isshin swerved back into the proper lane on the road, cars honking their horns at us angrily.

Masaki, who was in the front and surprisingly not as scared as I was, laughed at my reaction. “Kisuke-san, I would have expected you to be use to Isshin’s driving by now. You two have been friends how long?”

“Too long,” I grumbled under my breath. Yoruichi, in her cat form, was at my feet, purring. The purring, however, did not fool me. She was laughing at me just like Masaki. I’ve obviously hit a new low, I thought sadly, rubbing at my forehead and whimpering when the car jerked again and swung into oncoming traffic.

“Hahahaha, Kisuke-chan never liked my driving, sweetheart. He thinks I shouldn’t have even been given my license in the first place!” Isshin explained in a rather over-the-top voice that wasn’t necessary simply because we were all in the same car. “But, looky! You don’t see Kisuke-chan driving, now do you? I am the awesome, the great, the magnificent Kurosaki Isshin!”

I snorted at that, arms wrapping around my mid-riff to stop my stomach from doing the mambo. “Yeah, uh-huh, riiiiight,” I couldn’t help but put in with my delightful sarcasm. “Isshin, you are exactly the reason I don’t drive. With you on the road, anyone would be scared to get behind the wheel of their own car.”

“I agree with Kisuke-san on this one, sadly,” Masaki admitted with a small, teasing grin directed at Isshin. I was jealous, I won’t pretend I wasn’t. Masaki could do something like that so easily and get away with it. Me? I would never hear the end of it. “You do drive rather like a maniac, honey. So, where are we going, anyway? You never told me!”

Isshin laughed heartily, clearly enjoying her teasing even if it was putting him in a bad light, and then answered her question with a happiness I had never seen him express in all my years of knowing him. “We’re going on a picnic! I want you and Kisuke-chan to bond! Oh, and the cat, too!” Yoruichi made a barely there hissing sound; Isshin was in for a world of trouble for that comment, I could see it now.

Ignoring the cat looking at me in a ‘tell him I will hurt him’ way, I aimed a questioning look into the rearview mirror, knowing he would be able to see it. “Isshin … we were no more than ten minutes away from the best park in Karakura. Are you planning to go out of your way to find another park for us to eat at?” My eyes widened dramatically. “Or – or have we been kidnapped?! Masaki, the cat, oh no! We’ve all been kidnapped. Nooooo!” I let my head fall into my hands, pretending to sob. “I knew this day would come – the day Isshin finally snapped and killed us all by driving us over a cliff!”

It didn’t help matters much that when I next raised my head, we really were right beside a cliff - and Isshin was cackling evilly, foot still on the accelerator.

“How ever did you know, Kisuke-chan?”

Masaki actually screamed at this point, covering her face in her hands and shouting something about her husband being an idiot – I agreed whole-hearted, heart thundering loudly in my chest as the cliff’s edge loomed closer. And then, suddenly, Isshin applied the brakes, the car screeching to an abrupt halt and coming to rest inside a parking space I hadn’t noticed before – too caught up in the fact that Isshin really was insane.

I wasted no time once so ever unbuckling and getting out of the car, kissing sweet, sweet ground and thanking whatever higher deity that was out there that I hadn’t died for a second time in my thousand or so years of age. Yoruichi jumped out of the car after me, right onto my back, and massaged her paws there in typical cat fashion. I knew, in a strange, purely Yoruichi way, she was trying to comfort me.

But still! My best friend had almost just killed us, I think that justified a panic attack. It made me feel better that Masaki was doing the exact same thing, minus kissing the ground. I think, though, she was trying to bear hug the gravel to make up for that. Isshin, who was still cackling gleefully, thumped us both on our backs and brashly declared , “Aww, you two! You act like I seriously would have let us die! Haha! Honestly!”

I grumbled something in reply to this, I can’t remember what it was exactly, but I think it consisted of me thanking that higher deity again that Isshin had very good brakes installed.